Since Wylder passed in July I have come to notice more details in my surroundings than ever before. Sunsets, mountain tops, flowering cactus all seem so much more beautiful than ever. Sometimes I even question if they have always looked this way? I am beginning to appreciate that life is in the details, often right under our noses. Buried in our phones and to do lists I think so many of us don’t stop and take in what is truly around us. All the gifts and all the beauty. Well, here on Nantucket I am soaking it all in …. Wylder is showing me the way. Soaking up the details of this old historic whaling town and appreciating all the beauty (even in the winter). Some moments I swear I can feel the old whalers and their wives lining the streets, like it used to be back in the 1800’s.
On a long walk I took on Wednesday morning I came across a beautiful old weathered bench. Engraved in the bench was a plaque that read “sit a moment and enjoy the Nantucket that DORIS VANNOY FUESS 1926-2006 loved so long”. I did just that. The view was beautiful and I thought of this eighty years old woman who loved this island so much. I wondered how many times she walked this path, if her family came here to sit and think of her. I sat a while and took it all in. I appreciated the fact that I have been taught how to do this sort of thing now, from Wylder, and that I have such an appreciation that every life matters (80 years or 3 years).
What I often don’t share in this blog is the biggest hardships about being at home are ‘the basics’. Basics seem impossible back in Arizona. Everyday to do’s that we all have to get ta done like grocery store runs, Costco, driving the car without his car seat, laundry, and even enjoying a Starbucks Chi just isn’t the same without Wylder. I love my home and am so grateful for it, the memories in it and the love that fills it, but it is an impossible place to heal. That is my favorite part about tucket right now. No Costco, no car, no starbucks. This is simplicity at its finest with bike rides, lots of walks, local coffee shops, laundry that I do under a blue sky with the sound of seagulls flying overhead. I can feel my own breath. I feel Wylder everywhere here too. Every corner I round I try to be open and receptive to whatever I am supposed to receive. Griches, whales, a song, a sunset, a breeze. Not just going through the motions of the day to day and staying busy is a good thing. I realize here, alone, how strong I stay around others at home to protect them, or me? I am grateful for this time to heal, feel, pray and relax. When I return home in a few more weeks I am going to try and remind myself to cut some time out of each day for myself to feel what I need to feel. I want to take what I am learning here and bring it home to my everyday life.
Nantucket has the most amazing sense of community that I think sometimes get so lost in the bigger city’s we live in. The chiming of the town clock every hour, the long low blow of the ferry horn as it pulls in and out of doc all day and the friendly faces in town you quickly recognize over and over. Being alone here is allowing me to feel what I need to feel, even if it is scary. I walk in the rain, find new paths to explore, I took a mediation class last night, I read, I write and I cry. Nantucket fells like somewhere safe and loving place to process my feelings.
I wrote Santa a letter from me for Wylder yesterday and walked in into town. I have been walking with new friends each morning and they are showing me amazing sights and paths I am certain I would not have found on my own. Tonight I am heading to the small town theater to watch the showing of “The Wizard of Oz” … there is no place like home.
I want to end today’s blog with this beautiful quote from Pierre Teilhard De Chardin. “we are not human beings having a spiritual moment. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.” Much love always. xoxo
Nantucket Charm is so Healing
Posted by December 7, 2012 5 Commentson