We spent Christmas in Colorado this year. On Saturday evening we went to a Christmas party with family and I am not going to lie, it was really hard. I tried with all my might to bale at the last minute … but I am so glad I didn’t. Things like this will always be difficult, but I will also always be reminded of the amazing family we have that smothers us with love. Seeing the kids see Santa and laughing with family was really wonderful. It made me realize Christmas will never be the same, but Christmas is Christmas and it is the most wonderful time of the year.
Christmas morning I woke up (I am often surprised when I wake up and have to remind myself of our reality), but as I squinted and blinked my eyes I saw a beautiful sort of “wishing tree”. It was filled with Christmas notes from our amazing family for our Wylder James. Thank you notes, love notes, Merry Christmas notes. I woke Steven up and was sniffled and cried our way through every note. It was truly magical and a beautiful way to start the day. Being that materialistic things don’t seem to matter this year, it was tricky to figure out what I would ask for from Santa. But Santi always knows and I got the most perfect present under the tree. The Whoville Christmas houses to add to Wylder’s Grinch tree next Christmas. They are so cute and sparkly and they just make me think of our Wylder so much. I will forever love to add things to his tree and feel his magic and love every Christmas for the rest of my life. We also woke up to a beautiful white Christmas and I just new it was Wylder James working his magic.
Steven and I have also been taking time to see our Colorado family. We haven’t been back to Colorado in a year and a half and we when we were here last it was for a stay at Children’s hospital. So we took time this trip to meet new babies/wylder’s cousins we hadn’t got to snuggle yet, checked out our families “new” homes we hadn’t seen yet … and what was the most amazing thing, was seeing Wylder’s sweet face in ALL of their homes/lives. We saw a tree planted in Wylder’s honor in our cousins backyard, framed photos of Wylder around every home and Wylder’s book in the laps of tons of kiddos! We feel Wylder’s presents EVERYWHERE. Every home and certainly in every family members heart. We hung out with our nieces and nephews who grew up in the blink of an eye and because of our amazing family Christmas somehow felt whole. They all made us smile.
I am also over the moon grateful for my mom this Christmas. How are moms always so amazing? This is the first Christmas I have not seen my mom on Christmas day and with no questions asked she said “no problem hon, we will celebrate in our own way when you get home” …. “do whatever you two need to do”. And not only that … she is taking care of our home and sweet Maddie, and I know how both wonderful AND difficult it is to be in our home.. People often ask “how do you do what you do Shannon” … and the answer is … it’s because I learned from the BEST!!
As I closed my eyes Christmas night I thought of all of YOU, our friends that I KNEW were thinking of Wylder this Christmas, and truely I felt more whole. Christmas will never be the same and will always have an emptiness, but we will be damned if we let this disease take more ways from us then it already has. The Magic of Christmas will always be magical and Wylder is in so many hearts.. My whole life I dreamed of being a mom … and I am still a mom, just learning to be the mother of an Angel through a long list of firsts. Everyday I thank Wylder for the moments we got to cherish and the memories we made that will have to last forever. Christmas will always be more wonderful because I got a few with you. We head home tomorrow and I cannot wait to take a nap under your Grinch tree Wylder and hopefully dream of you. xoxo