I am kinda-sorta going back to work (gulp, double gulp). For those of you that do not know, I was an interior designer before I had my sweet Wylder. I LOVED my job and was lucky enough to even have my own business … and the best clients in the World for that matter. People that I really came to love. Littlest Wylder even used to come to job sites nestled inside his sling … peeking out and checking on tile dielots and different installations with his momma. On Jan7th 2010 (Diagnosis Day … now as RAK day) I vowed to not spend one moment away from my son just playing and loving on him. With the support of a very loving husband I did not go back into design from that day forward. This was definitely another “NO REGRET” moment in our life and although it was never our family or financial plan … together we made it work. I soon came to realize the full love and joy that being at home with your babies brings, and to be truthful, was hoping that by this time of my life I would somehow manage to be at home raising a football team of little ones … knee deep in baby food, diapers, knotty stools and preschool drop off. I know that Wylder James made my heart sing and our lives full, and another baby will one day do the same again. As many of you know it is complicated for families that carry the Niemann Pick Gene to have other babies, but is possible, and will one day bring much joy back into Steven and my life. I will oneday soon explain here on Wylder’s blog how that process works for families like ours … it is called PGD. For now, I feel it is important to get to get out of the house a bit, get our energy up and see how the design shoe fits again. We will see where this journey of life will continue to take us.
I had a lot of nervous energy, and questions like “am I too rusty” kept popping into my head. But I decided to jump in and give it a go. So I wore Wylder James around my neck to keep my heart open and headed out to my first appointment on Saturday. From the famous mouth of Billy Madison I uttered the words “baaaccckk to school, back to scchhoool” as I headed down the hill I have not driven down in years. It will come as no surprise that I was filled with a mixture of emotions on my way. I am super afraid for the couple with superficial materialistic complaints that I am no longer sympathetic of, like the poor woman who comes complaining to me about the chip in her seamless super expensive granite island that I will feel lacks some life perspective. What will happen to them, will they get drop kicked by lil o’ me? (ha ha) no, no, I can totally keep it together, but I will be an interesting balance of caring about the people I will be working for in combination with the life lessons I have learned from Wylder James about what is really important in life. This is exactly why I am starting in slow (VERY slow), and making sure I leave enough time for myself to continue drawing and writing more lessons from my Warrior and balancing the love in my heart while remembering my love for design and the people I meet. Truth be told I enjoyed my first appointment and they were just the sweetest couple. I left feeling energized and excited and concord the day. Keeping your energy up is a hard task when you are sad, so for this day, and this opportunity I was very grateful.
As I continue to write and draw more children’s book and we create WN non-profit, that will be my heart. If design work is no longer my desire then we will change our course once again … together as a family and see where we end up. For now … it’s full steam ahead!
Steven and I enjoy our morning routine reading and catching up on our daily blogs with coffee and tea in bed, and this morning we came across this video on the Ingram’s blog. I thought it was so fitting with our blog today and so important for us to all remember, so I wanted to share it here too. A beautiful reminder to do what is in your heart forever, and the rest will follow. We miss you and love you Wylder and will continue to live with our hearts because of YOU! (click on the picture below to watch the 3 min video) xoxo
Keeping My Heart Open
Posted by February 4, 2013 10 Commentson