1 Year

Good Morning sweet baby.

Thank you for waking me up this morning so I could see the sunrise Wylder.  Before I went outside I sat in bed at 5:15 and I just wept, thinking of that very moment last year when you took your last breath.  I miss you with my whole heart little one. (here is that blog)

This morning was so different than last year, the weather is much cooler, the air more humid and the sunrise had more pink in it … and you are somehow now not snuggled between us in bed.  I remember feeling like you picked the most beautiful morning in the World last year, and I haven’t felt a morning like that since.  You always have had such a way about you, didn’t you.     

Whenever I have quiet times I feel like I can still hear you breathing.  Your “jungle kitten” little roar and your sweetest little sighs. I sometimes feel your little arm lying across my shoulder, like it used to when we would lay on our backs and read book after book.  And your tiny fingers all wrapped around my pointer finger squeezing tight, is a single feeling I think I miss most. 

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Most days the pain of being without you feels like and elephant is sitting on me, but today I feel the weight of a thousand elephants … just wishing and praying I could have had you in my arms forever.  Wishing I could have heard you say “I love you mommy.”  Wishing I could have heard the pitter patter of your feet running down to our bedroom in the mornings.  Wishing you were healthy and here forever.  And let’s be honest, wishing even if you weren’t so healthy, wishing you were still here forever.  I know you hear your daddy and I whisper every time we pass a special needs child and feel that extra special something and feeling of unconditional love they have around them.  How we talk about how we would have loved to have taken care of you until we were old and grey, any need you could have ever had. Anything.  What a gift that would have been.  EVERYTHING makes us think of you everyday Littles.  I know you feel the love we send you every day in Heaven.  I know you feel how much we love you.    

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As we work on Wylder Nation and new things every day, I always reflect on the many moms and dads that have said goodbye and those who will have that impossible moment to come.  I wish there was no such thing as childhood disease Wylder.  I wish every child could just be free and jump and play and have the chance to grow up.  I wish every family could have their shot at forever.    

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Thank you for the gifts you show us daily … the snippets of YOU, the reminders.  They get me through every day and show your daddy and me that we are on the right path, even when it feels like an impossible one.  We promise to never take a gift and sign from you for granite.  Never ever.  They are all cherished moments.  You always help me to see the light sweet Wylder. 

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It seems impossible you have been out of our arms for even a minute, yet alone a year.  Impossible. So many people pray for us Wylder, it is beautiful.  Everybody believes in all things YOU Wylder, everybody.  It’s amazing.  This World, and my life will always be more full because I had you.  Your life shaped me for eternity.  Your perfect sweetest face and wise sole was and always will be the perfect package. A gift. I will see you in my dreams little one. 

Here is a song for you today Wylder “EVERYWHERE I AM THERE YOU WILL BE.”  We love and miss you.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fmxILVVoRGA

When I think back on these times’
And the dreams we left behind
I’ll be glad ’cause I was blessed to get to have you in my life
When I look back on these daysI look and see your face
You were right there for me
In my dreams I’ll always see you soar above the sky
In my heart there’ll always be a place for you for all my life
I’ll keep a part of you with meAnd everywhere I am, there you’ll be
And everywhere I am, there you’ll be
You know you showed me how it feels
To feel the sky within my reachAnd I always will remember all the strength you gave to me
Your love made me make it through
Oh, I owe so much to you
You were right there for me
In my dreams I’ll always see you soar above the sky
In my heart there’ll always be a place for you for all my life
I’ll keep a part of you with meAnd everywhere I am there you’ll be
‘Cause I always saw in you my light my strength
And I want to thank you now for all the ways
You were right there for me, you were right there for me always
In my dreams I’ll always see you soar above the sky
In my heart there’ll always be a place for you for all my life
I’ll keep a part of you with me
And everywhere I am, there you’ll be
And everywhere I am, there you’ll be
There you’ll be
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Comments

  1. Shannon and Steven – sending much love to you on this angelversary. You know your Wylder is in your hearts and your lives everyday.

  2. Yes, just one “little wish….” that there be no more childhood disease ever…..

    But we persevere, and hope always, for every child to be healthy and free…..most especially today, we honor the one and only, Warrior Wylder James….a sweet Littles who changed the world forever. xoxoxox Love you Shannon and Steven, and how we love you so very much Wylder for all you’ve taught us.

  3. Tracey McFadden says:

    Shannon, You and Steven and Wylder are such an inspiration! Thinking about you today!

  4. Lisa & Ernest Puaa says:

    Shannon & Steven,
    Wasn’t sure why it happened that I was going through our Moloka’i photos last night but when I saw this post this morning, I knew Wylder was here looking at them with me! We are thinking of you folks today and sending lots of love and aloha!

    • Mommy and Daddy says:

      He certainly was Lisa. Steven and I loved seeing those photos yesterday and talking about those amazing memories with you. Love and Aloha to you and Ernest. xoxo

  5. An incredible, impossible post Shannon. I am just so so sorry you’ve been physically without Wylder this whole year, but with all of the amazing things you and Steven have done I know he is spiritually with you forever. Sending you guys so so much love today. xoxoxo

    • Mommy and Daddy says:

      Thank you Eileen, we appreciate that very much. Give Quinn an and the boys a hug for us. xoxo

  6. Wow, Shannon, that was so moving and beautiful. I could feel Wylder and your love for him in every word. You chose all the perfect pictures, and said all the perfect things. I wish this day did not exist and you never knew such pain. I love you sweet friend. love, Chelsea

    • Mommy and Daddy says:

      Thank you Chelsea. I wish you never had to know pain like this either. Sending our love always. xoxo

  7. Cathy Johnson says:

    As always, Shannon, you have made the perfect tribute to your sweet boy. Not a day goes by that I don’t wish that you still had him with you and always would. Wylder Nation will continue to perservere and someday there will be no angelversaries – just birthdays. Sending you and Steven so much love – xoxoxo

    • Mommy and Daddy says:

      Thank you so much Cathy. That will be a day to celebrate, when there truly are ‘no angelversaries for NPA – Just birthdays.’ What a dream. Thank you for your love and support always. xoxo

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